Broken

The following post was written last October (October 6, 2014), just a few days before we learned that the child growing inside me may not live a full, mature life in this world. I'll share more on that someday, but I want to post this because it's just as true today as it was on the day I wrote it or on that terrible day in November when we laid our child to rest in the frozen ground.


"God uses broken things.  It takes broken soil to produce a crop,

broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread,

broken bread to give strength.  

It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume...

It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever."

Vance Havner

I found this quote this morning in a book I just started reading. After yesterday, it hit harder than ever.  Yesterday wasn't monumental in any specific way, and sadly, it was more normal than not. For some reason, though, it was harder than most. 

We all have those days, they usually fall on a Monday, so we're less blindsided.  Days where the toddler is whiney, the kindergartner has a fever and the 4 year old is his impulsive, energetic self.  All the while you are tapped out, at the end of your rope, rode hard and put away wet, and feel like you've been drug through a knot hole backwards.  Whatever term you wish to use, we've all been there.  Some days life is just plain hard.

My husband patiently read my texts as I frantically hunted for the checkbook so we could pay bills (which still hasn't happened).  He replied encouragements as I 'cyber cried' over our messy house and disheveled children.  When he got home he let me cry streams of tears (literally, I was a blubbering mess) as I poured out what I had been wrestling through all day, without mentioning once that he had a heavy, broken day himself.  He's the best.  

Some days are just harder than others.  The circumstances usually aren't different than the day before, it is rarely on days of crisis where we feel broken and worn out.  No, its the days of mundane, same as the day before, that threaten to break us in two.  

The quote above, by Vance Havner, brings hope on days like to day, when I reflect back on the last 24 hours, in humility and embarrassment, but also with a tinge of fear.  What if today is no different?  What if I nearly lose it again today?  Then what? 

Knowing that that which brought you to near breaking point yesterday awaits you today can make it hard to set your feet on the ground and take those first steps into your morning.  

Life is rough, it's relentless, and it's broken.  God knows this.  He promised that we would work and toil as a result of Adam and Eve's choices. In Genesis 3: 17 -19 He says " Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.  By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground..."

He knows that life is hard and I am confident that He hates the brokenness of this world just as much as you and I. 

You see, without the brokenness we don't face life for what it is.  We find ways to get through or to numb the reality.  When we fall in a heap, on those random Wednesdays in October, when 'nothing big has gone wrong, so why am I crying?!?' hits, that's when we remember, or realize for the first time, our need for Christ. Without Him, it IS all broken, it IS all an uphill battle that threatens to all be in vain.  Without hope, what is the point? 

On days like yesterday and mornings like this, I am thankful I'm broken, but I'm also thankful it doesn't stop there. 

This is by far my favorite passage in The Jesus Storybook Bible.  It pens what is the source of my hope on days where the tears won't stop so very well.  

From the story of Noah: A New Beginning

And there, in the clouds-just where the storm meets the sun- was 

a beautiful bow made of light.

It was a new beginning in God's world.

It wasn't long before everything went wrong again but God wasn't surprised,

he knew this would happen.  That's why, before the beginning of time, he had another plan-a better plan. A plan not to destroy the world, but to rescue it- a plan to one day send his own Son, 

the Rescuer.  God's strong anger against hate and sadness and death would 

come down once more-but not on his people, or his world.  No, God's war bow was not pointing

down at his people.  

It was pointing up, into the heart of Heaven.

Christ died to restore our right-standing with God.  He shed his blood so we can some day stand in the Glory of our God, not for a moment, but forever and ever.  But wait, it gets better. He didn't just die for future placement in Heaven.  No, He died so that today, and yesterday and tomorrow when I'm still broken, I can have hope, and peace, and rest.  Sure, the milk still gets spilled and noses get bloodied and cars won't start...all before 7 am.  Sure, you're still raw and ragged, but this time you see that you can't do it on your own.  You know that this is not all in vain and that "in this life you will have trouble, but take heart, for I (Christ) have overcome the world".  

Life is broken, no matter how you slice it, but not forever.