Saturday night was, aside from October 18th (Micah's birthday), quite possibly the longest night of my life. Keep in mind I have pulled a many all nighters with youth ministry, nevermind the first year of being a respiratory therapist I worked nights...this still trumped them all. Micah got his first cold and spent the night gagging and coughing. By the end of the night I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that every time he would cough I would just cry. Rediculous, I know, but it broke my heart to hear him suffer so. I finally woke Jason up at 5:30 and he slept with Micah on his chest. I think Micah could sense my tension and anxiety that he wouldn't settle down for me...but the second he hit Jason's chest he stettled in for a glorious 2 hour nap.
He is still coughing, but not as bad...it doesn't hurt that I have more than an hours worth of sleep in me now and that I've come to my senses-reminding myself that I've taken care of babies that were sicklier than our little guy. Jason's Dad and Step-mom came on Saturday and stayed until Sunday afternoon. Teresa, Jason's step-mom, was very encouraging and didn't make me feel a bit stupid for crying over Micah. She stepped right in and helped make meals and clean while I held our little one...I'm sure she would've much rather sat and held Micah, but instead she cleaned and cooked. Thanks Teresa and Stan!
I must say that this cold is a first that I would just assume skip...but since it seems as though we're on the down hill slide...I'll just say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, eh? (I'm talking about my emotional status, not Micah's physical health). I hope and pray that this is the last cold he gets all winter, but at the same time, I'm not stupid...I know that this is the first of many.
In the midst of all of this I feel a place in my heart being filled that has been void quite possibly all of my life. This void was motherhood. I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed us with little Micah, that He is allowing me to rock him to sleep as he cries a hoarse little cry at 3a.m. That God chose Micah to be our son, at this time, and this place blows my mind. I do not want to take that for granted, ever, no matter how hard this motherhood thing is. Micah was not a mistake, and God has great things planned for him...now Lord, just help me remember that!
P.S. Micah is one month old today!
All the nations may walk in the name of their gods; we will walk in the name of the Lord our God for ever and ever. Micah 4:5
2 comments:
Happy 1 Month Micah!!! Hang in there Dollie. God is bigger than Micah's cold or your lack of sleep or any worries you could possibly have. We are also so thankful that the Lord chose to bring Micah to you and Jason. Continue to enjoy each moment whether they be stressful or delightful. We'll be praying that Micah feels better soon. Yay for building immunity I guess =)! Take care!
Happy birthday Micah! Wow, motherhood is tough! I still haven't figured out how to trade places with them, to take their pain and illness, rejection, or sadness. It would be much easier that way wouldn't it??? Oh, but you are so right, it is ALL WORTH IT! Praying for you and Micah!
Travis
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